NOTE: What follows is an excerpt from the augmented reality of modern corporations, filtered through absurdity, but only just. This text is taken from my upcoming book, _Kevin, Chief Bullshit Officer, a parody of what sadly plays out in many organizations today, large or small, where meaning has been replaced by motion-design storytelling, and reality by “collective vibration.”_
Behind the humor lies something far more alarming: the rise of a soft dogma, an indigestible blend of managerial nonsense, sanitized wokism, benevolent greenwashing and rootless self-development, that is slowly imposing a single way of thinking disguised as universal wisdom. In this world, asking a critical question is “disrupting the vibrational harmony.” To doubt is to “create cognitive dissonances in the collective flow.” And failing to applaud the latest “regenerative and inclusive” initiative from leadership risks being seen as a blocker in the circle of perpetual pivoting.
Kevin doesn’t work. He _infuses. He has no goals, only intentions. He says nothing concrete, but everyone nods. Because today, the fuzzier it is, the deeper it sounds, and the hollower it gets, the more respectable it becomes._
Happy reading and good luck if you have a Kevin in your open space or if your company is slowly drowning in woke-bullshit-green complacency.
Kevin doesn’t have a job title. He has a vibrational calling. He doesn’t hold a position, he embodies a frequency of being. His role can’t fit in any org chart. It must be whispered, felt, projected into the invisible.
Because Kevin doesn’t operate in a company, but in a sensitive ecosystem of interrelated intelligences, a fluid matrix of strategic potentialities and disintermediated intuitions. He defines himself as a “catalyst of emergent impulses in contexts of soft complexity.”
He doesn’t lead. He infuses. He doesn’t decide. He inspires. He doesn’t move projects forward. He energetically accompanies them toward symbolic fulfillment.
Welcome to the etherico-corporate daily life of Kevin, Chief Bullshit Officer.
7:42 a.m. – Conscious emergence
Kevin doesn’t get up. He emerges into his verticality of being, carried by the quantum synergy of his REM sleep. His smartwatch (in augmented intuition mode) doesn’t wake him, it invites him to enter his frequency of the day.
He begins his sacred ritual:
- Empathic breathing
- Alpha-wave heart coherence
- Vibrational anchoring through silent reading of his own mission pitch
His morning infusion?
A lukewarm decoction of adaptogenic roots sourced from a regenerative forest certified as “conscious biodynamic”, filtered with spring water informed through holistic crystallization, then manually vortexed following the Tibeto-Scandinavian protocol. He doesn’t drink it. He harmonizes.
9:00 a.m. – Holistic sync with the project team (in asynchronous co-presence)
Kevin joins the video call with a slight vibrational latency, fully intentional. It’s called sensorial slow onboarding. Camera blurred (subtle presence filter), open posture, hushed tone, he opens the meeting with a meaningful silence, followed by a vague gaze toward the horizon of his screen:
“I suggest we welcome this space-time as a moment of circular alignment, to collectively recharge our narrative cooperation field.”
He doesn’t speak of deliverables. He refers to collective pulses of intention. He validates nothing. He “co-constructs an emotional map of emerging tensions.”
With every intervention, he nods gently, as if internally translating the profound meaning of what’s just been said… even when he hasn’t been listening. And to relaunch the thread, he’s not afraid to ask a disarmingly powerful question:
“Are we still in the realm of doing, or already within the impulse of a new being?”
He leaves the meeting 11 minutes early—for energetic alignment. But not before dropping what he calls a seed of reflection in the chat, in the form of a misaligned haiku:
“When meaning fades away, structure becomes passage, flow of co-reliance.”
Silence. The team takes note. No one understands. But everyone feels. And Kevin, meanwhile, ascends.
10:17 a.m. – Intuitive infusion phase in ritualized autonomy
Kevin enters a state of latent presence in self-facilitated mode, seated in a semi-receptive posture on a sensory-eco pouf made of regenerative hemp fibers. He doesn’t isolate himself: he temporarily extracts from the productivity dynamic to better sense the invisible flows of collective intelligence.
Noise-canceling headphones (DeepFlow model), playlist “Alpha States & Semantic Drift,” free breathing: he reaches a state of controlled strategic drifting, where silence becomes the raw material of meaning.
He doesn’t think. He lets ideas emerge like fluid entities seeking a semantic anchoring port.
In his Moleskine notebook (Executive Introspection edition), he jots down, almost without thinking, three words—his heuristic markers of the day:
“Fracture. Interstice. Frugality.” Is it a roadmap? A conceptual artwork? A weak signal from the cosmos? Kevin doesn’t decide. He welcomes.
And if he closes his eyes, it’s not to nap. It’s to immerse himself fully in the fertile indecision of the moment, where vagueness becomes a resource and emptiness, a promise.
And if he snores, it’s not sleep. It’s a sonic manifestation of his deep letting go, an unconscious vibration of his strategic infrathought. A chant of cellular alignment. A low-frequency soul breath.
12:00 p.m. – Deliberative pause in a regenerative third space
Kevin doesn’t eat lunch. He honors an intentional gustatory experience in a regenerative third space with high symbolic density, where the furniture was co-designed by a cooperative of neuro-sensitive artisans in holistic integration.
The menu is crafted to nurture both the microbiome and decision-making clarity: – Nourishing bowl with shamanic-Scandinavian inspiration – Ancient legumes rehydrated with gravity-filtered rainwater – Activated seed topping – And, as a beverage, birch water infused under the rising moon, served lukewarm to respect the digestive cycle of the strategic liver.
Between two bites, he posts a blurry photo of his bowl on Slack, captioned:
“Conscious ingestion. Deep connection. #DigestibleLeadership”
If he eats slowly, it’s to let meaning simmer. And if he sometimes chews on air, it’s to taste the unsaid in the collective.
5:10 p.m. – Low-intensity strategic meeting
Summoned with gentle urgency by the CEO, Kevin enters the high-vibrational governance space, recently redesigned by a transdisciplinary collective of sensory designers and philosophers-in-residence. Asymmetrical sofas, biodynamic lighting, discreet cedar-scented incense.
The CEO, a bit pale, firmly rooted in his still-linear convictions, goes straight to the point:
“Kevin… honestly, and concretely… what is it that you actually do?”
Kevin inhales slowly through his nose, holds the air like holding an intuition, then exhales through the solar plexus chakra. His half-closed eyes seem to tap into a data field vaster than the room. Then, with sacred slowness, he murmurs:
“I’m here to regulate a level of conscious misalignment within our organizational weave. My role is not to solve, but to support the maturation of paradoxes. I attend to the porosity of systemic narratives, the listening of fertile tensions.”
He pauses. Stares at a blurry point on the ceiling. Then resumes, as if in light trance:
“I don’t deliver. I operate. I don’t frame. I open spaces. I don’t reduce margins of error. I honor them as zones of strategic exploration. My scope is the silent interstice between two contradictory intentions.”
Finally, he calmly utters his signature phrase, without punctuation, like an offering:
“Being within the being of doing”
Silence.
The CEO stares at him, dumbfounded. His internal PowerPoint has just crashed. Rational bearings melt like a camembert left on a radiator. He no longer knows if he’s at work, in a yoga retreat, or in a dream where performance smells like lavender.
Kevin, meanwhile, slowly rises. Places a black pebble on the table. And leaves, without a sound.
7:03 p.m. – Chosen disconnection, but shareable
Kevin doesn’t end his workday. He intentionally disengages from the operational sphere, in a slow, symbolic gesture designed as an act of attentional sobriety.
His computer doesn’t shut down. It gently exhales into ritual standby mode, after one last backup of his productive vibrations to an ethical sovereign cloud. Kevin closes his MacBook like a monk closing a vellum manuscript: two fingers, held breath, gaze inward.
Before leaving, he sprays around him a mist of essential oils “calibrated for cycle endings”: incense, lavender, and a touch of cognitive patchouli. All certified “zero inner judgment.”
He then slips on his “Embody the Flow” hoodie, grabs his recycled-linen tote bag printed with Think Less, Breathe Deeper, and heads to the exit. In the elevator, he takes a blurry photo of his reflection and immediately posts it on LinkedIn:
“To know how to leave is also to let the space refill with possibilities. See you tomorrow, but differently. #Deceleration #EthicalPresence #ReversibleLeadership”
And while his colleagues wait for the tram, exhausted, Kevin walks barefoot in thought, to the rhythm of his binaural playlists, ready to begin again tomorrow doing nothing… with immense depth, and above all, with the deep conviction that he has truly contributed to the emotional well-being of the human ecosystem around him.
9:12 p.m. – Mindful self-quotation on LinkedIn
LinkedIn post:
“For a long time, I believed I had to do. Now, I simply choose to be. And that’s enough to transform.” #InnerSovereignty #InvisibleLeadership #ChiefBullshitOfficer